Life gets stripped of its meaning, so often and so quickly.   Why does it always seem such a shock?

 

It’s so for all life forms.  A moth in my shower, a spider, my sink – he or she, it seems, is in a haven of moisture and light.  It stays as if it could not believe its good fortune, and is finally happy, feeling safe.  Then the water gets turned on.  By some huge being for whom his or her whole life and path full of choices is superfluous.  Shockingly, suddenly, death.

 

A man ignites my heart and body, and I am sure all is finally, as it is supposed to be, forever. But that was never his intent.  He was on some other journey, in which I was merely a tree he leaned against for a moment before continuing on his way.  Not co-creating a painting with me that would last, for others to see and be inspired by.  No.  Just a pit stop.  Shockingly, suddenly, gone.

 

A deep artist, inventing worlds of laughter and brilliance that make us, each and every one of us, understand our humanness more fully; make us adore ourselves and others just a little more than we ever did before he came.  Our love for him becomes more certain and true because he sometimes annoys us or is a little over-the-top.  His imperfections deepen our belief that he, and we, and this aliveness all mean something, something we all agree on and struggle with, together…and that is somehow, after all, good.  This man takes his own life.  Shockingly, suddenly, gone.

 

The shocking, the sudden, rips the fabric of time – of what seems to matter.

 

Is mattering, then, longevity?  Not being Cut Off?  Is sudden disappearance truly the worst thing we can think of?  Having a fantasy torn in two, stomped on, destroyed, suddenly – one looks up and hears or sees or feels, “oh, That.  That which fed and watered my Whole World is gone. Just now.  It was there, but it is….all of IT, is gone.” 

 

What, then, is this life? For surely that has happened enough for all people to see that that whole scenario is exactly what goes on here.

 

This morning, regardless, I feel like the spider who has realized that he’s not in some super cool shiny place he can now call home, he’s in a sink.  It belongs to a Huge One and it’s all gonna be over any second.

 

Time to enjoy the reflections of light coming off the porcelain.